Broken

Broken

This piece was performed in a separate room from the audience and was streamed into them through a projected skype call. The writings on the four mirrors in order of appearance are: "You shouldn't have trusted him!" "What were you wearing?" "Get over it" "Stop crying" "Pity Party" "Dis-gusting Dis-gusting Dis- gusting" and "You will never get better". This piece was inspired by my own personal experience with being a victim of violent sexual assault. The first mirror is a representation of the things people said to me when it had initially happened, the second represents things people say to me now (a year after it happened), and the third is a representation of the way I felt about myself for an incredibly long time - sometimes even today. The fourth mirror, however, is a representation of my current struggle with it, thusly being written in a different color of lipstick and going unshattered. This piece is meant to be ripe with symbolism. The mirrors are a representation of these things that were said to me and how, now that I am slowly learning how to cope, they mean nothing anymore, shattered into pieces in my mind. However, the mirrors also represent my past self before I was sexually assaulted, shattered and broken with no hope of return much like my past self. However, this creates a new meaning for the last mirror. The last mirror states "You will never get better". It is a representation of the struggle I have with thte current idea that I will never be able to recover the person I was before, however, since it remains unshattered and is a representation of my past self as well, it shows that I still have hope of that recovery in spite of what I am feeling currently. The reason for it being performed in my underwear is to show how vulnerable this topic makes me feel as well as to show my overcoming of my body issues (even though I do still have my bad days with it). And lastly, I used lipstick as the medium to write with because, even though it does effect many different kinds of people, the issue of sexual assault and rape with in the United States is a predominant issue among women socially. I am a firm believer that no one deserves to be treated negatively after experiencing something so horrible and I am aware that it does occur among men as well, however, women are taught in our society that is almost an inevitable occurance in our lives. The statistics are incredibly high and we are expected to learn tactics for staying safe - carry pepper spray, knowing how to get out of certain holds, walking in groups at all times, and so on - as if the responsibility of our sexual assault or rape lies solely on our shoulders. I wanted to address this social flaw by showing the link between sexual assault and being a woman, and that is why I used lipstick: a traditionally feminine product in our society.

Blind America

Blind America

In this piece I perform by playing a series of modified vinyl records while blindfolded. The idea behind this piece, as I state later in the video, is to depict the blind ignorance of American life and the idea of "stumbling blind" through the expectations of American idealistic life. This is represented not only by my blindfolding, but also by the records chosen. All records created for this piece are either Christian in nature, or were obtained from a series of records entitled "Happiness"; all of which have what can be considered "American Classics". Each record on its own has a separate meaning as well, which is explained below:

Record 1:

This record was spliced and put back together with itself, out of order and rather crudely. This represents the idea that our American ideals in the United States have been warped and twisted and are falling apart, with only a feeble weak backbone holding it together in our modern day.

Record 2:

This record, on the other hand, has a somewhat more hopeful representation. The silver star on the top side forces the record to skip, while the clean side would play normally. This is meant to represent the fact that we have a toss up chance of either repeating our past histories or progressively moving forward and ignoring this ideals that have been so long forced onto our society.

Record 3 & 4:

For these two records, the appearance from a distance seems normal and undamaged. However, when taking a closer look you notice that there are imperfections. This is a representation of these ideals themselves and the idea that we see them as perfect (people, ways of living, wealth, etc.) despite the fact that when you study them closer, they are far from perfection.

Record 5:

This record is more so a commentary against the most common, "ideal", religion in the United States. On one side you have a cross drawn, a common Christian symbol that represents, in the most simple terms, good when right side up and bad when upside down. When on a record player this common symbol spins between stereotypically "good" imagery and "bad" imagery. This is meant to represent the pick and choose hypocracy that I, and many others, have experienced from this common American religion. The other side is left blank to show that there is, once again, a toss up chance of avoiding this hypocracy and inequality in America, allowing for religious freedom and understanding across the board. I felt as though it was important to touch on religion as well because many of the ideals the United States possesses stem from being so heavily saturated in Christianity for years.

The performance:

Mackay the Monster Hunter

Mackay the Monster Hunter

In this project, the goal was to create a guided sound tour that individuals would be able to participate in on their own using a personal electronic device. The starting point for this particular project is in front of the John William Mackay statue outside of the Delamare Library on the campus of the University of Nevada, Reno. This piece takes on the narrative of John William Mackay being painted as a secret monster hunter who is undercover as a miner. Mackay, through the help of some mysterious magic and a little imagination, allows his voice from the past to enter your mind and give a personal story telling tour of his works within the museum. He opens up your eyes to the truth of fantastic beasts that lie in secret in our world. The idea behind this piece was a way for me to show how I often as a child, and sometimes even today, view the world. For as long as I remember I have enjoyed creating alternate stories and universes for things within the science community that would otherwise bore most children, and sometimes adults. I, personally, have always held an interest in certain sciences and I believe this way of thinking may have helped with that. A goal for this piece was not only to let the audience into how I think for a moment, but to also inspire children or those not particularily interested in sciences. I wanted to spark imagination in my audience and show them that things you may find boring can become fun if you just look at it from a different angle. If I were to change anything, however, I would like to lengthen the tour as well as squeeze some factual information in there while still having the element of imagination and adventure within the piece.

To Be Like Water

To Be Like Water

This piece, originally, possessed a much quieter composition. The inspiration behind the original had more to do with experimentation with sound, having never worked with it before. This included things like mic sensitivity, and submerging the recording device underwater (protected within the confines of an air-tight plastic bag). However, art being much like life, it develops and having a second listen with fresh ears on the original I was unsatisfied, primarily with its lack of meaning to me. I, personally, as an artist strive for a piece of myself, regardless of content, to dwell within each piece. Thusly, this one in particular needed a change. I did decide to keep some of the more playfully experimental elements, such as the devise submerged in water. The idea behind this piece bounced off of that experimentation as well. With recent events in my life, I have found motivation, flexibility, and general happiness have alluded me. Upon reflection I have found much of this likely stems from my inadaptability to negative situations. This is why the title is "To Be Like Water". I strive to find my own happiness once again by becoming more like water, by becoming more adaptable. Water has the ability to be both delicate and strong, to shape itself according to its surroundings, and to come in different forms all without loosing the essence of what it is. I find this idea applicable and helpful for all people as well, and this becomes evident by the fact that the subject matter of this piece makes up most of our biological bodies. Despite not all of the sounds being directly water themselves, they do all have an association with it. The two sounds I speak if in particular are the clinking of sea shells against one another and the music box. The shells have a direct correlation to water because they are shells I have obtained myself from the few beaches I've visited. These shells have been birthed directly from the largest body of water, the ocean. The music box, however, is less obvious of a connection and much more personal in nature. Music boxes, to me, have always been a reminder of the small tinging noises of individual raindrops. Along with this, music boxes have been a personal symbol for happiness since my young childhood, bringing the idea of this piece back to becoming much like water in order to obtain my own happiness.

A reveiw and reflection on "Hypernormalization" by Adam Curtis

A reveiw and reflection on "Hypernormalization" by Adam Curtis

While watching “Hypernormalization”, a documentary by Adam Curtis, I will admit to at first paying little attention and experiencing moments of boredom and distraction. In that moment within the first half hour of this film I was the quintessential child of technology he later describes. I, out of ignorance, have not been involved in the world of politics and activism in world issues until these recent past two years. Up until the age of eighteen I had this perspective that since the world did not care about my voice why should I care about it? Recently, and especially after watching this piece, I realize that I was wrong. I was a victim of this “fake world” that Curtis describes. I may not have had a political voice yet, but much of my time could have been spent widening my world view and opening my mind beyond what social media sites allowed me to see (as Curtis describes, we are isolated within a bubble of a static, pre-existing world view due to the filters utilized within these sites). Curtis describes this condition I was in within his film. He describes members of a fake world utilizing cyberspace to distract from the real world issues; individuals that are victims of the constant flux of politics that is now run more by corporations than people. He shows several examples that embody this new form of politics ranging from Trump’s flip flopping rhetoric, to the Western depiction of the leader of Lybia, to the Russian funding – while under the control of Putin-  of nearly every political group. This constant confusion and constant fear create a society that is too distracted to revolt or make a real change in were the world is going. Curtis even addresses the point that, even though this cyberspace environment has had the opportunity to bring people together to try and begin a change, the unchanging world we’ve been so long a part of seeps its way in by means of no ideas of a new society after the revolt.

This film, after much thought, has lead me to question much of the way our world is set up as well as how I feel I should, as opposed to actually do, view this world I live in. I want to make a difference, I do, but it also brings into question how much of my own happiness I am willing to sacrifice to make this difference. Do I sacrifice my only dream of being happy within my own life to create a difference in the world, or do I continue to live in blissful ignorance, concerned only with my values and needs and well-being, allowing this system to continue? Would making a difference even really mean sacrificing happiness, or is my idea of that merely a manifestation of this world I have been raised in? And if I were to decide to “make a difference” how much of a difference would that difference even be? Can my sole voice even mean anything or effect anything if one of the main ways of spreading that is through a system that only allows other who agree with my view to be reached by it? Is it a bad thing to participate in a social construct that you oppose? Does that make your voice invalid? For example, I have always been relatively opposed to the way University learning is run today. From the inequality of funding to certain programmes, despite everyone paying the same ludicrous amounts of money in order to even participate, to the fact that the University system is run solely out of an idea of profit rather than the enrichment of the human mind of every student. The University does not care if I actually learn to go on to actually apply that learning in a career that applies to subjects that I had learned. In short, after graduation, after they have acquired their money from me, I no longer matter to the university. Despite this view of mine, however, I still plan to participate, even up to the level of graduate school because I am equally aware that in our culture, a college degree gives you worth, despite it being only a piece of paper saying I learned something in a classroom as opposed to somewhere else. Does this personal fact of a “if you can’t beat them, join them” mentality make me another product of this world that Curtis describes, or is a simple awareness of it make and individual different enough?

However, I will say there is one particular flaw in Curtis’ film that I noticed. He uses diction that points out that he may disfavor rhetoric that hides truth. He shows the negativity that comes from lying while in power for benefit that suits it at the time. With this in mind you would think that he would want to expose all truth in relation to his topic of living in a fake world. In contrast, he shows a bias towards liberal views and I believe this results in his lack of addressing the corruption within the Clinton administration. I am myself a liberal as well and did support Hillary Clinton within the previous elections. I am still, regardless, going to play devil’s advocate. In a film toting about how certain things are hidden from us and we are stuck within isolated bubbles allowing us to only see what we want to, I do believe he should touch on the corruption that does arise within liberal parties from time to time. Even if it is just for a moment, bringing up possible counter arguments to his points and attempting to refute them would possibly make his arguments about politics even more powerful than they already are.